


See the Sun

by loveclouds



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 16:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1717037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveclouds/pseuds/loveclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Erwin talk about where they might be in another life. Maybe the background wallpaper doesn't matter much when the fundamentals don't change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See the Sun

"If we were in another life, do you think we'd be here?"

"Well," Erwin says, his calmness pissing Levi off as always and the brightness of him lulling Levi into a warm place as _always_ , "in a different life, I suppose I would've started with asking you to dinner."

Levi snorts, derisive. "Spare me. I would prefer a scouting mission even as a first date."

But perhaps he doesn't sound half as convincing as he thought, because Erwin is looking at him with that fucking terrifying gentle look in his eyes again and Levi is suddenly white-knuckling the desk edge. He presses hard, digging a corner of unforgiving wood into his palm to remind himself that this reality is painful and he doesn't deserve to be swept off his feet; who has the luxury for such sweetness?

Alright. So he would take dinner. Even tomorrow, even tonight, even right fucking now, he would take some cliche, overpriced, boring-ass dinner among elite swine over and over if it meant Erwin never had to lose his arm in the first place.

Fuck. And he likes to tell people he isn't humane enough to harbor regret. 

There's understanding on Erwin's face and Levi is grateful he doesn't say anything. Against his will, his eyes land on Erwin's non-right arm and refuse to leave, even when Erwin belatedly follows his gaze and Levi's stomach goes sour with shame. It's impolite to stare; even children know that.

But he's just so _angry_.

He doesn't want Erwin to see.

"I have to go," Levi says, not even bothering with an excuse. The words are jagged coming up his throat. "I'll be back later."

Erwin doesn't stop him. It sets him on edge whenever Levi is upset but Levi is a force of his own, he can't be contained, only compromised with. 

Perhaps it's also Erwin's most selfish point of pride to know that whenever and wherever they may be, it is his side that Levi will always return to.

He looks at the empty doorway to his office for a moment longer before returning to his paperwork. There's a lot more to sign now that it all has to be done left-handed.

\---

Levi somehow knows this with as much certainty as his faith in Erwin: In another life, although Levi would bitch about it, Erwin would coax him to the ocean and they would walk barefoot in the sand, and they would be holding hands.

Without all the severity and weight of hundreds of lost lives and thousands of expectant ones crushing him into the flawless commander he is, Erwin is just a big puppy.

A big, blond, beautiful puppy with blue, blue eyes. 

There is also something else that Levi knows with certainty, although it's so plainly real that he rarely has the courage to even think about it for more than an instant at a time.

Erwin would sacrifice him for humanity; Levi is neutral to this because Erwin would be a useless piece of shit if he couldn't sacrifice what he cares for most when he demands it of all his troops.

But that's just _it._ Of all people or things or ideals Erwin could covet, could chase, could _love_ \--

What he cares for most is--

Levi slams the thought back into a drawer of his mind and growls at Eren, poor Eren who didn't even do anything wrong today, and barks,

"You call this dogshit sparring!? You're getting fat right in front of my eyes you lazy piece of shit, one more time!"

\---

Eren's lower lip maybe trembles a bit as he sits in the dining hall with his friends, entire body aching.

Levi is fearsome and an asshole as a natural order of life, but he's been in a rage bender for the past 6 weeks. It's like he took all his angry, crushed it into easily digestible powder, and is taking concentrated doses of it in his daily morning tea.

"How's sparring with the captain going?" Jean asks, his grin very adequately set to eat shit.

Eren's body jerks at the mere memory. 

"He's been calling you out nearly every day, eh? Guess that's what happens when we have so much downtime."

Abruptly, Eren stands, resolute if only because he is sure even the flesh between his toes are bruised at this point. "I'm going to speak to Commander Erwin. He'll definitely tell Captain Levi to lay off a bit."

Eren can feel Jean's smirk on his back still all the way across the dining hall.

\---

They used to call him a mad dog. Wild, angry, nothing to lose.

They weren't wrong. That was the closest Levi ever came to royalty. He was a prince in all the ways that mattered to him: food when he wanted, cruelty when he felt like, all the unnecessary shit he wanted just because he fancied it and enough underlings to go steal it for him. Maybe all he had was trash and rot, but he gathered it with his own hands, he held it together with his own blood and sweat, and when he sat atop it all, it was a throne.

Now, he knows they still call him a mad dog, just in a different way. They call him a dog because he is loyal to the point of stupidity and he's smart enough to know they're still not wrong.

Every time Erwin goes to recruit new bodies for the Recon Corp, Levi has to bite his tongue.

Erwin asks them if they can die as long as someone ordered it. Those are the conditions. 

Who'd be so goddamn stupid to do something like that? Levi would definitely not join the Recon Corp based on Erwin's shitty speech alone. He needs a speech writer. He needs anybody that isn't himself to write anything else because his speech is a steaming turd of bad.

Levi wouldn't die on someone's orders. 

He'd only do it for Erwin.

Maybe that's what he should say next time: join the Recon Corps if you're prepared to die following only my commands. 

Maybe not. Levi isn't one to share.

\---

Eren has a small speech prepared in his head by the time he's turning the corner for the commander's office. There's nearly always an open door policy and mealtimes are the times to go for face to face because everyone else is busy eating. It's the closest thing to privacy. 

"...easy on him?"

"He's half titan and he's the one you're worried about?"

Eren's ears perk up. He doesn't _mean_ to eavesdrop but he would recognize Levi's voice anywhere (he hears it often in his nightmares) and they're talking about him right now!

"Even Hanji's told me you're really working him over. Everything alright?"

Silence. Eren presses himself flat against the wall outside, forehead digging into the doorframe.

"Everything's fine. Why the hell do you worry so much?"

There's some ruffling and Eren hears Erwin laugh. The sound is so light and foreign to his ears he can't place it at first, and once he does, there's just too much curiosity to hold back. He sidles that much closer, willing his neck to cooperate just a little longer, peeking an eye into the room from where the door's slightly ajar.

Levi's pulling Erwin's jacket off of him. He inspects it with great disdain before shaking it out a few feet away, then wrinkles his nose, then tosses it on a nearby sofa altogether.

Erwin has the fondest look on his face and he doesn't seem startled or fazed in the slightest when Levi comes back to his side and undoes the top two buttons of his shirt.

What the heck is happening?

Eren knew that his captain and the commander had a special relationship, but he hadn't realized it was--

Oh wait, is this what Hanji was getting at a few months ago when she told him Levi likes blonds? But how _cryptic_ \--

"Did you feel any pain today?" Levi asks, voice quiet, and Eren shakes his head because the word he's really searching for is _gentle._

"Levi," Erwin says, a mix of fondness and exasperation in his voice, only fondness in his face.

Levi rolls his eyes, fussing with Erwin's shirt some more. He brushes off dust no one can see, straightens it out until the lines are almost crisp again.

"Levi," Erwin says again. He brings up his only hand and places it on Levi's lower back, shifting him half a step closer, but that half step means Levi's pressed up against Erwin's sitting form, hunched into him on his good side.

"You have to tell me if you need me to write things out for you," Levi chastises without any bite in it, "I can tell your hand hurts." He tilts Erwin's face up with fingers under the chin, bringing his own face closer to peer at him.

"Would all correspondence suddenly start saying 'fuck off and die,' though? That wouldn't be great for funding..."

"You give me no credit for my poetry."

"Oh?" Erwin asks, eyes curved in mirth and leaning into Levi's touch, "Captain Levi! My apologies, what about, 'screw off over there and get gently gnawed on by a 14 meter class.'"

And then something inconceivable happens. Eren watches, slack-jawed and mindblown, as Levi's eyes close and he _laughs._

Suddenly feeling very vulnerable and embarrassed for whatever reasons, Eren whips his head around, shoulders squared. His heart is thumping and his face is hot.

He's never seen that before.

He's never heard or seen Levi laugh before, not like that.

Levi looks so young when there's no anger weighing him down. He looks so happy.

So that's where all the anger comes from. Eren gets it. 

Maybe this is one thing about Levi he actually truly understands. In this, they're not such different people after all.

\---

Not twenty minutes after Eren returns to the dining hall, he sees Levi stroll through. While he doesn't call out, Eren does watch him, expecting and almost relieved to see the rage and frustration in Levi's eyes. He finally understands now.

Though, Eren has a feeling the commander knows how furious Levi really is when not in his direct presence, since Commander Erwin actually knows everything. He supposes it's like they say: it's the thought that counts.

"Captain Levi is unexpectedly cute, right?" Eren thinks out loud. He doesn't say anything else when his entire table nearly capsizes and that gets Levi stalking towards them with a tremendous scowl on his face.

\---

"I think Eren figured us out," Levi says in the safe cradle of nighttime. His cheeks feel flushed and he can't tell whether from warmth or contentment--it's a stupidly luxurious problem to need to ponder. "I tried to beat his face in today and he kept looking at me like I was made of marshmallows."

"Hmm," Erwin replies, and that's all.

Distantly, Levi wonders if that's what everyone sees in him on the subject of Erwin. Marshmallows. Sweet and fluffy. Levi's gonna vomit a bit. 

It sounds peaceful outside. It's quiet and warm and starlight is streaming in from the window since Levi didn't bother closing the curtains earlier.

"If you could take me anywhere right now, where would it be?" Levi asks, hand splayed open across Erwin's chest. His hand isn't small; Erwin's chest is just an expanse of skin, so much of him to love, and Levi curls his fingers into a fist right over Erwin's heart. 

There are no words between them, but that doesn't mean there isn't sweetness.

Erwin thinks about his question for a long time, fingers mindlessly wrapping themselves in Levi's hair. 

"I suppose...the ocean. To the beach."

He feels Levi's laughter more than he hears it. Erwin smiles because there's a smile pressed to the side of his neck and Levi doesn't smile much.

"Is that funny?"

Levi sighs and nods. "It means I know you too well, old man."

He looks up when Erwin cups his cheek, fingertips slowly brushing down his jaw. Levi swallows hard but his mouth is still cotton balls. His chest feels too full of bubbles and he wants to crawl out of his own skin when Erwin looks at him like that.

Like he matters. Levi knows he does. But Erwin looks at him like he's _all_ that matters and Levi might actually have to hide his face in his hands and kick his feet about.

Erwin is humanity's hope. He'd do anything for that end. Levi is uncomfortable thinking about where he falls along that scale these days. Don't they call these sorts of things a conflict of interest? 

Really though, he's too selfish to dissuade Erwin from falling deeper into him. Levi likes life at the apex.

"Stop making me blush," Levi says irritably. 

Erwin sputters gracefully with laughter and leaves a fond kiss between Levi's eyes. "Where do you think we'd be in another life, Levi?"

Levi grunts. "Probably the same place, just various other background scenery."

"You say you're not a romantic."

"I'm not. I wouldn't be with you if you were living in squalor." 

"What if I just lived in a really really dirty house that you could never fully clean?"

"No."

"Really? Come on."

"No."

"Levi!"

"Maybe."

Erwin brightens. "Really?"

"No."

Levi watches happily as Erwin laughs again. He doesn't want for much these days because he has what he wants; his only preference would be to transplant it all outside of the walls and live this out without the worry of titans. But the fact remains: there is nothing about them that he would change. Even in another life, while he may wish for more favorable circumstances that entailed no lost limbs or battle scars, Levi wouldn't want to be saved and drawn in and loved by anyone else. 

His lips press into a thin, grim line. He's going to kill himself if he gets any squishier than this.

"You're thinking about me," Erwin says, sounding triumphant.

"I am."

"You look marshmallowy."

Levi groans very loudly and shakes Erwin's head a little with both hands, though maybe it says everything that he doesn't move away. "Fuck you, seriously. If we're making these candy analogies, you look like cotton candy when you look at me, how's that? Pink and soft like clouds and tooth-rottingly sweet."

"You say that like you think I'd mind," Erwin replies, and he doesn't deny it, he isn't even smug about it, he looks so goddamn _earnest_ that Levi feels air leaking out of his mouth in embarrassed disbelief.

"Oh my god, just fuck you, Erwin. We don't live in a romance novel."

"Am I making you feel like we are?"

"Shut up. I fucking hate you."

"I know."

They share comfortable silence, Levi enjoying Erwin's thoughtful petting when Erwin speaks again.

"If we live to see the end of this war, would you like to go to the ocean with me?"

Levi wraps his arm tighter around Erwin's middle and smiles.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> This was typed up on my iPhone from my hospital bed. All inaccuracies shall be blamed on autocorrect, including liberties with plot and bad writing. 
> 
> Someone save me from this otp of old farts being perfect for each other AHHHHHHH
> 
> Title taken from Tokimonsta's "Little Pleasures." Thank you for reading!


End file.
